1 December is Global Demanding Beaytch Day

Tomorrow – 1 December 2010 has been nominated as Global Demanding Beaytch day.

How many times have we girls complained about ourselves in passing “OMG I was a total demanding bitch to him today”. Well you know what? I reckon we LOVE that Demanding Beaytch and give her a break and appreciate how she brings balance into our lives and to the lives of those who regularly experience her. :-)

Observe how she brings people together!

Be in awe at how she takes action!

Marvel at how she knows how to ask for what she wants!

Appreciate her intrinsic value and self worth!

To honour her, let her out tomorrow – give her free reign and stand back from her rough raw canvas and value the beauty of her crazy. To honour my own Demanding Beaytch instead of wishing to hide her and keep her quiet and well behaved, here are a few of my favourite quotes from and about powerful demanding beaytches across time and space:

"Love and respect woman. Look to her not only for comfort but for strength and inspiration and the doubling of your intellectual and moral powers. Blot out from your mind any idea of superiority: you have non." Guiseppe Mazzini (Wise Little Italian Man - love him hehehe)

"Men play the game: Women know the score." Roger Woddis

"It's not what you call me, but what I answer to." African proverb

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship." Louisa May Alcott

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. There is no yesterday, no tomorrow, it's all the same .... day." Janis Joplin

"Remove those 'I want you to like me' stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good -- on your mirror!" Susan Jeffers

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose." Dolly Parton

“If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.” Marilyn Monroe

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." Edith Wharton

"Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size." Virginia Woolf

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself." Mae West

“Ladies, you have to be strong and independent, and remember, don’t get mad, get everything.”Ivana Trump

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking." Joan Rivers

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." Eleanor Roosevelt

"Eventually you just have to realize that you’re living for an audience of one. I’m not here for anyone else’s approval." Author Unknown

"Man has will, but woman has her way." Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart." Josiah G. Holland

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." Maya Angelou

"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt." Madonna

Listen to your Heart

Great 80s song yet amongst the big hair and powder blue power suits were we listening to our hearts?

I learned to control mine - how about you? When emotion drowning out logic threatens to drown plans in total betrayal, many of us typically suppress our hearts and tell it to be quiet. Shut up, don't talk to me, behave, sit still - get this shit under control for god sakes!!! :-)

How many times have you heard someone berate their heart for betraying them?
Can we say for certain - this heart is betraying me?
"Who" is it really betraying?
Which me?
Which story of me?
Which character?
Do we equate our hearts with the magical mystery gateway that lets pain inside?

What happens when we control our hearts for a while and then someone gets access to it and starts to open the door?

whoaaa - It's like being on a diet of carrot sticks and bean sprouts for 12 months and then being handed the key to a chocolate factory where you could eat anything you wanted. The relief of the tension in this instance is overwhelming and freeing yet daunting. Knowing that if you eat one morsel of chocolate, you will get a sugar rush, then the migraine and then the physical symptoms - you take your time savoring the sights and smells carefully assessing the diverse options in front of you in order to make a small selection. OR you can simply open yourself to be swept away to the sights and smells allowing the tension to resolve itself in its own fashion and ravenously pig out at everything in sight!

Many of us put our hearts on a diet, close the door and lock it tight. Then we allow ourselves to ever so slightly open the door. Like a closet overstuffed with clothes that have been packed tightly and stored "just in case", this door springs from its hinges pushing out all the contents with a gigantic force that clears the closet and empties its contents in one big mess all around you.

Old clothes thrown all around you - costumes, uniforms - all that old "stuff" that I used to wear. :-)

Sure the tension was released however now there is 'stuff' everywhere filling you with nausea, terror and confusion. Until your "space" is structured, aligned, neat and tidy, labelled, sorted, arranged and managed, many people simply cannot function.

I am a self confessed control freak - my life's work in fact. So when the cupboard door springs open and explodes all my old "stuff" onto the floor around me what do I do? ha! I pull myself back in line - pull my head in - collect up all the mess, pack it neatly in boxes and store back inside the closet - replace the lock with a sturdier steel, change the key and lock and bolt the door.

God there is a wonderful relief experienced once that door is freshly closed again. I am safe and back in control. No one can hurt me. No one will mess with my stuff again.

For all you new agers or pseudo psycho analysts criticising these actions, how do you know that I have lost anything by closing the door? If I feel more empowered with the illusion of well constructured well ordered well controlled closet what do I lose? What do I gain? Is this a trick question? :-)

Am I still listening to my heart? Have I really closed the door? Am I really in control?

Like child birth - the contractions, dilation and delivery, deep ripping pain is a very effective technique that we, each of us, use just when we choose to move in a new direction. Nerves and muscles shift structural pattern polarities - and the subsequent agonising spasms make headlines and grab guaranteed attention. The contractions, through their tightening and narrowing work in symbiosis with the dilation – opening and expanding, pushing us out of our comfort zones and delivering us into a whole new world.

whichever way we frame the pain, the illusion, the game, the story - it will work for us.

It is impossible to close the door on your heart.
There is no door.
There is no pain.
Can I ask this question - is there a heart?

It begins with LOVE TO

Love.
Everything begins and ends with Love.
We begin and end with Love.
Love – the coming together of two bodies making love – creating friction – resolving tension – calling in a spark of life – making babies.

Love – that invisible link we have to our children that makes us feel so accountable to keeping them alive. We love them and will fiercely protect and nurture them as part of that Bio Survival internal mechanism driving us. Love – when we feel like we don’t have it – we suppress how we feel – we hold our “negative” feelings inside in order to protect others – we show a brave face – we cope – we take it on board.

When we feel SO unloved and unwanted – like there is no space for us anywhere, this feeling flows down right through to the core of our cells. Eventually, our bodies will no longer be able to hold onto the suppressed feelings of being unloved and it goes into “injury mode” This is where cancer begins. It places us firmly into the “victim role” so that we finally express our feelings of being unloved and unwanted in the hope that “someone” will see this and Love us in the form of medicine, doctoring, sympathy, assistance – fear based – “you will lose something if you don’t recognise me” response.

The body is seeking Love in order to survive.
If the heart doesn’t take action, the head will.
If the head won’t take action, the body will.

We are always moving forward seeking Love and paradoxically loving ourselves at the same time while doing so.

Aging and Dis –Ease are not HAVE Tos for our bodies – they are choices – they are cries for help – cries for Love.

They actually began as LOVE Tos and contain ALL the ingredients for Love.

Your Gold

A stream, high in the mountains, is being panned for gold.
You are given a battered old lead pan.
People line the stream beside you in faith that you will lead them to gold.
Once you teach yourself how to pan for gold, you realise that the gold you are finding is being created by you simply by seeing it.
Gold drops from your fingertips and your footprints in the shallow sand of the stream leave a ream of gold wherever you pass.
You see gold everywhere.
You hand the pan to the person next in line and teach them how to pan for gold.
As you walk downstream, you watch as each person in turn recognises the gold, learns how to pan for it, passing the pan and the lesson to the next in line.
Your footprints fill the stream with gold and your touch turns the earth and everything on it into gold.
Once you have recognised your gold and passed on these lessons, you climb the mountain to find your soul mate waiting for you.
However he is trapped inside a Nepalese stupa.
Your kiss frees him from this frozen state and as he turns from stone into flesh you rise above him to become the sun.
As the sun you shine and sparkle as you beat down upon the earth.
Your beams enter the earth and you become the soil and the dirt.
You nourish, flourish and grow.
You set roots deep in the ground and grow tall and stand firm.
As the Oak tree you give shelter shade and protection.
Billowed by the wind, you gently bend in the breeze.
Your leaves extend into the atmosphere and glide and flutter and hover and become the blue of the sky.
As Air, you whip through the desert and challenge the mountain and the sand.
You bring a scented change of renewal and blow all out to sea.
You become the waves and ebb and flow with the tide.
You surge and swell and blow bubbles of joy and wash away and wear down.
Cleansing, soothing, flowing and floating you join hands with the moon and move in rhythm with the magnetic pulses of the earth and the lunar energy.
You dive deep into the oceans and swim until you reach the centre of the earth molten with volcanic charges.
You cannot stem these flows of lava – you release and subside and flow and float until you finally erupt through molten gases and explosions.
You become the flame – you are the fire.
You grow bright and magnificent and shine and sparkle.
The wind may dim your flame at times but will never extinguish you.
The Sun fortifies you.
The Moonlight recharges you.
The Earth provides fuel for you to burn and feed your fire.
The river in your heart will continue to flow from its source high in the mountains where you are given a battered old lead pan........

I Want to Know

I didn’t call you into my life to mend repair or nurse me back to health.
I want to know if you can see my strength without the need to heal or fix me.

I didn’t ask for a Guru to guide lead or direct me out of the darkness.
I want to know if you can sit with me right here right now as there is nowhere else I need to go.

I didn’t ask the universe to speak through you with answers and direction.
My only interest is to hear YOUR question.

I didn’t ask your higher selves to share their thoughts and philosophies.
My only interest is in what YOU have to say.

You don’t need me to facilitate you in collapse and transformation.
Your perfection has already created its own space in the flaws you love to hate so well.
Your mirror has shown me the many cloaks I hide behind.

I want to know if you are willing to see the beauty in the rain without cloaks protecting either of us from getting wet and cold.
You are a talented artist who has painted a brutal yet engaging self-portrait of me on your own face.
I want to know if you are willing to feel the beat in your refrain without wanting to beat yourself up.

It is of no concern to me what empties onto the pages of your books.
My interest is in what you see when you first open your eyes each morning.

It is of no concern to me what universal truths your soul has gleaned.
My interest is in how you feel when nothing at all seems true.

I am not bothered by the mythology you have created.
Your bank balance, marketing plan – your network, qualifications or products is of no concern to me.

I want to know if you can laugh as you dive into the ocean of your disappointment and swim with the skeleton of your history chuckling as you emerge from the depths knowing it was only a couple of drops of water.

I am not bothered by the legacy you have created.
Your family, your story, your age and physical form – is of no concern to me.

I want to know if you can giggle as your send your roots deep into the earth of your pain and roll around and cover yourself with grime and mud and slime completely submerging yourself in filth knowing all you need to do is brush and hose it off when you emerge from the ground as it was only a bit of soil and dirt.

Your spiritual integrity is of no concern to me.
I want to know if you would be willing to stand behind me in front of a sunset so that if I step back away in fear you will be there to hold me to my truth and remind me of my own beauty and my own sacredness in the midst of the mundane.

Your cosmic relationship with councils of beings is of no concern to me.
I want to see your heart raw and bleeding from rejection and humiliation yet still willing to open regardless of anything that has happened to you before.

Your internal battle with your inner critic pushing and pulling your worth between truth and illusion is of no concern to me.
I want to know if you would be willing to stand beside me high in a desert overlooking the burning of our world in the freezing cold of a late July night, blanketed by the five elements under a full Aquarian moon with the only warmth being your hand on my heart reminding me of your certainty of its heat, its fire, its depths, its beauty, its magnificence, its order, its perfection and how very much it is loved.

Soul Mates

Google the words SOUL MATE and watch how thousands of sites line up in readiness to teach you how to meet and find your Soul Mate.
If there is one void that humanity seems to share it is the seemingly eternal search for one’s SOUL MATE. I must admit to searching for the relevance of meaning of this term in my own life.

The word 'soul' stems from the Old English word ' sawol' meaning the spiritual and emotional part of a person. It first emerged in literary public around the year 725 in the tale of Beowulf. Obviously your MATE has been regarded as being of spiritual and emotional importance to you as opposed to simply being functional for the pro creation of offspring, maintenance of an economic base and to hold lands and chattels in a genealogical hierarchy forged in a familial foundation.

Soul Mate is a term we all popularly use to describe someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality and compatibility. Some people believe these are souls we have met and lived with in many life times. They have been our lovers, spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings, teachers, students, family and friends. Somehow we have a contract with these souls to return to earth together for learning and evolution.

One theory of Soul Mates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

It seems that we feel closer to certain souls, because we have attracted them into our lives as they are on the same frequency or because we want to work out issues with them.

The Law of Conservation says that Nothing is Missing – your Soul Mate is therefore either in the form of the one or the many. I can see that in my life my Soul Mate lives in the many – about 20 beautiful men in my life – all together – are my Soul Mate. Now before you cast aspersions on my admission – (No I’m not a Skank) my Soul Mate is according to the hierarchy of my values – therefore these men provide great feedback for my particular value system and clearly demonstrate who I am and what is important in my life right now.

I get to spend time discussing and philosophizing with some of them – Scientists, Healers, Conspiracy Theorists – Intelligent brains with words instead of juices flowing between us – just as exhilarating but less messy. J The Mediterranean and Middle Eastern men in my life bring out the Goddess in me as they flaunt their masculine energy with me feigning and feinting - opening doors and killing spiders – the ancient game of the warrior rescuing the maiden (swoon) - and the sacred dance (if I so choose J ) My fitness freak posse accompany me on adventure hikes, mountain climbs and marathon runs. As a fag hag, my gay friends (yes they form part of my Soul Mate) share retail therapy and home decorating sprees. My business buddies wheel and deal over endless cocktail lunches with me, exchanging project concepts and beta testing plans together. I have men to go to social dinners with, boys to take to chick flicks, fellows to suffer endless family events with and buddies to party, dance and rock with.

Nothing is missing – all forms are there – in many faces and places. What I love about my Soul Mate in the MANY is the freedom to have NO expectations other than of myself.

As a child, I had this bizarre belief that one day I would meet my Soul Mate walking down the street one day, he would seem familiar and a white light appears between us then boom ….we live happily ever after. My own parents did not provide me with a balanced view of Soul Mates or even a loving Relationship, so my benchmark was drawn from fairy tales, TV and movies.

And so fuelled by a Boy Meets Girl Fantasy, at the tender age of 20, I married my first husband and had children very quickly. I still regard him as family – wonderful person - however he was not what could be termed The One. However, he remains part of my collective Soul Mate and for that I am truly grateful. At the age of 30, I married my second husband. He is one of my business partners even now and I still regard him as family – He Taught me SO much - however he was not what could be termed The One. Yes, he forms part of my collective Soul Mate and I continue to learn appreciation of him.

My children are part of my collective Soul Mate for they are truly great loves of my life. They express what I suppress and give me the opportunity to love all the things I disown about myself and my parents and our families. I find it hardest to love them without expectation as theirs is the love that stings and rewards the most in my life – my greatest obligation and my dearest joys.

I look back over the relationships of my life and see that there has only been one person that I truly opened my heart to. I was SURE he was the one – all the signs pointed to him being my twin flame. It was a lesson steeped in synchronicity and destined to change me forever. But I was wrong - he wasn’t the one – I was – and through my love for him, I learned to love the one person I never really knew and never took the time to love – ME.

It has been two and a half years since we parted and I have met the most beautiful men since that time. I could say that no one has captured my heart like he did, or perhaps I have just been unwilling to open my heart again. All I know is that the great mysteries of life must be experienced; they must be lived. Duff writes: “The Nahuatl peoples believed that we are born with a physical heart, but have to create a deified heart by finding a firm and enduring centre within ourselves from which to lead our lives, so that our hearts will shine through our faces, and our features will become reliable reflections of ourselves. Otherwise, they explained, we wander aimlessly through life, giving our hearts to everything and nothing, and so destroy them.”

Now looking back, seeing that for me there has been the ONE (past) and the MANY (present), I appreciate the power of the Soul Mate in whatever form I create and see that my heart shines through my own face now.

It feels like there are so many levels of Soul Mate – well I guess I am collecting data about this right now J.
At the base of the Soul Mate pyramid is the Got To– The Physical Attraction – derived from the Cell and the Amoeba.
The next level is the Should/Ought To – This is our search for the Right Person (i.e. fitting into our Fantasy and Value System)– derived from our Pre Amphibian selves.
Then we find the Need to level– This is our Emotional Need – the search for Romance - derived from our Amphibian centre.
Next level is Want To – This is all about the I – the EGO – everything is the way I Want it - derived from our Reptilian selves. Many people never move past this phase.
Then we move into the Desire To level – This is beyond the EGO – Beyond the Physical, Emotional, Romantic, Material – we enter the realm of REAL LOVE only when the first phases are complete – this is derived from the Mammal part of us.
Once we truly love ourselves as we are with no changes and no expectations that another will complete us, we enter the Choose To level – This is a Conscious Commitment – a Value of Self Beyond the Ego without dependence on the other – this is where we become more Human and less Animal.
And finally we enter the Love To level – Unconditional Love – No Rejection – No Expectation – Nothing to Lose or Gain – Nothing is Missing – we are inspired by pure Spirit.

According to theories popularized by Theosophy and in a modified form by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls, equally male and female. The souls split into separate genders later, perhaps because they incurred Karma while playing around on the earth". Over countless reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

There is obviously a karma aspect – what I don’t love about myself I will attract a Soul Mate who owns that very thing in him. I hope that for me, a Soul Mate – the ONE – is someone I can share my life with, in freedom, integrity, grace, without judgement or expectation, with two open hearts, walking beside each other on similar paths – where living in my highest values serves his and vice versa.

Lao Tsu called it the trackless path. Jehovah translated means “I am.” In Genesis, God says to Moses, “I am that I am.” Perhaps our Soul Mate is the ME in us and will only appear in another form of ONE when we appreciate our Soul Mate in ourselves? For now, I appreciate that my Soul Mate is all around me and there is nothing missing in my life while I still hold the Fantasy of the One Soul Mate who I will meet walking down the street one day, he seems familiar and a white light appears between us then boom……... :-)

The Piece Mastered

The more time I spend with you
the less I know you.

There are degrees
secreted
under tiers
inside levels
on top of stratums
around corners.

Pockets of you
hidden
all
over
the
place.

I wonder about whether
we
all
subconsciously
choose to create
what we think
we need
and
yearn for?

Our own private little Universes.

Do we seek to replace
what
we reject
by giving birth,
accumulating
friends,
partners
or even
enemies?

How much
do
we create
the
accidents of genetics?

The ultimate
design of life
management,
the patterned webs
woven
unconsciously,
these
are
the things,
which
slowly
reveal us.

Yesterday
I viewed
your
shapes and colours
as
exquisite and brilliant.

You are a talented artist
who has painted
a brutal yet engaging
self-portrait
of me
through
you.

I cannot look away
and
almost
covet the flow of your brushstrokes.

They expose your beauty
and
scare me.

It is a privilege to bear witness to you in full control of this masterpiece.

Tune into Me

Live in nature. Be still. Do nothing.
Learn the art of inner stillness.
Stillness provides space for the growth in our relationship.
Watch the moon.
Talk to a tree.
Listen to the rain.
Turn your mobile off, turn the TV off and tune into each other.
Tune into me while I tune into you.

It’s the Little Things

A small forgetfulness – Large anger, frustration and hurt.
Love doesn’t wait for public holidays or marketing opportunities.
Every day is to be celebrated.
There is no reason for celebration – so celebrate that!
Be on time.
Remember.
Put me first sometimes.
Let me put your first sometimes.
Surprise.
Do something unexpected.
Be kind.
We are the most important thing in the universe together

Less Is More

Less stress. Less work. Less rush. Less.
Plan.
Systemise.
Rationalise.
Prioritise.
Grow your love by appreciating your time together.
Daily Pillars of wisdom - “How can I take on more, and do it with less?”
Turn up for each other.
Not after, or when or if but NOW.
Make it happen.
Be there with more energy after work.
Measure the investment you make in this relationship.
Value this love.

Match Dreams

There are seven areas of life.
At any of these levels, we meld in love.
This is who we are.
Physical creates life.
Spiritual is life meaning.
Social integrates.
Mental educates.
Business mediates.
Financial facilitates.
Our relationship is the expression of our life and love together.
Link our values.
Match our dreams.

Find that balance

Live like you mean it.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like no one is watching.
The business of life can never get in the way of our love.
Be true to love.
Love is your lifestyle.

I am...We Are

I hold the Earth and stand firm.
I nourish my Love will flourish and grow.
I set roots deep in the ground.
I grow tall.
The OAK tree within me gives shelter, shade and protection.
As this OAK I gently bend in the breeze.
I embrace Air and flow and float and refresh and rejuvenate.
My soul and my heart welcome the cleansing wind.
As Air, I whip through the desert and challenge the mountain and the sand.
I bring a scented change and renewal.
I blow all out to sea.
I become the waves and ebb and flow with the tide.
I surge and billow and blow bubbles of joy.
I wash away and wear down.
Cleansing, soothing, flowing and floating I join hands with the moon and be the tide – within and without.
I will not douse the flame – I will soothe and calm.
I become the flame – I am the fire.
I grow bright and magnificent.
I shine and sparkle.
The wind may dim my flame at times but will never extinguish me.
The Sun strengthens me.
The Moonlight recharges me.
The Earth provides fuel for me to burn and feed my fire.
Every moment, each day, I am all elements as the moon watches over and guides me.
There is Love all around me.
I AM the Love.
I let it go and watch it blow away knowing that the tide will return it to me once more.
I am.
I feed my children with Truth and Love.
Through the underwater caves of time, we meet again and again.
They are my parents, my lovers, my soul mates and my friends.
They are my teachers and I am their student.
My home is my crystal cave and my heart is open and filled with light.
The mythology, which breathed life into my body remains, preserved in everything that surrounds me.
Beauty is all around me and it is this gift I share with my family, for they are the sacred circles.
My twin flame is all around me.
In this space and in this time, there is the nothing and the everything.
It is time.
He is the anchor holding onto me while I float away with the tide.
I am the anchor for his wings rooting him to the Earth when he needs nurture and love.
Our two flames together create one bright and blinding light.
If he falls, I will bleed for him.
If I falter, he will breathe for me.
We are healing conduits and connect with the earth for this power to share with humanity.
I am he and he is me.
Together we are Earth and Air and Water and Fire.
Together we are the Love.
We are the Promise and the Purpose.

Under a moon

I stood under a moon with you.

The skies rained with fire as the earth below us bellowed and exploded. You held me and under that final dying moon, we made a pact to always find each other.

Wandering alone for most of eternity, each angel and anchor would appear when voices of desperate prayer would ask. The question would be answered under a full moon in a Spring Equinox. Follow Mintaka and look beneath the dying embers of the once green flame.

My twin flame, separated in darkness, for whom I searched and craved, left alone and afraid. Our two candles together to make one shining flame to light a darkness that enveloped and choked the growing seeds.

The circle of us cannot be broken - this is a sacred bond. All words spoken so far hold the form of us.

This is exactly where I found you.

Now, I stand under another moon and watch for Mintaka and wonder how could I have been so wrong?

My wings lie torn and bleeding. My breath remains trapped beneath the space between the full moon and the dark. How many tears do I need to cry before my heart finally empties itself of all love and begins to harden, crack and die?

I cry. I ache. I am empty. I feel lost. My vision is impaired. I wish to scream. I work. I sleep. I worry. I meditate. I look for Mintaka at night. I wish upon the moon.

It is the deep essence of me which I fear is lost.
It is the dream upon which I am built.
It is the star I have followed, which has changed its direction.
It is the underlying belief of me which I fear has died.
Where do I go from here without those elements of me?
How can I fly when my wings are broken?
How can I speak when my voice has left me?
The circle around me has fallen in on itself and I sit here in the dark and wait for fate to decide.