What a Ride!

I started the week with a dark cloud hanging over me.
Activations, discussions and research nailed to a self condemned cross of questions - I felt as if I was obliged to "kill" off every character. (boo hoo hoo)

"Who am I?"
"What am I doing then if I do not have a story to identify with?"
"How can I work without an identity to brand myself and my service with?"

Indignant, I screamed at myself "I have a life to live you know. I can't be playing games like this. I have to get real." ....he he ......yeah right......

Revolving in a downward spiral of questions and doubt, I was observing a litany of "stories" that I "needed" to detach from. Beliefs shattered, I seriously considered cancelling all my projects and client consults as I felt that I had no "place" to work from. Worse still, I felt I had no VALUE to offer anyone, therefore how could I possibly charge for MY service?

This is "how I was" on Monday and Tuesday.

Then an odd thing happened. From Wednesday to Friday I had 15 client consults over a three day period - out of the blue! I had my four weekly clients booked yet all day Tuesday as my doubt grew so did my client bookings.

I was already heavily committed with my company work and family obligations therefore with no time to plan or prepare as I would normally do, I leapt from one "quest" to another - back to back, hour to hour. The clients and project began to look take on a familiar shape as I heard the identical tale with every new face. My heart skipped a beat when I recognised all these little parts of myself clambouring to be integrated.

Every question I had earlier in the week resounded in the voice of each client.
Every doubt I had earlier in the week emerged in the face of each client.
With every meeting, consult and session, I faced my own quest for “the answer”.

Unavoidable and inescapable, it was impossible NOT to see how I demand the answer handed to me on a platter. How could I ignore how I craft willing conspirators to take the credit and I then walk them over the plank of blame? Hosting a never ending magical desire for some external entity like Nature or God or the Universe, I never cease to search for some "thing" to take responsibility and ownership and ultimately take "care" of me. I seek a "magical" pill to swallow that will dissolve all my questions. I am addicted to finding "the answer" - outside of myself - out "there" - it's an answer that some "unknown" entity holds the key to - if only I had more (start the list - $, health, fitness, beauty, intelligence, power, influence, love, time, energy - ad nauseum)

Impressed with the strength of my human need for story, I then came face to face with my "princess warrior" - the fierce battle worn protector of the vast catalogue of legends that hold pride of place in the library of me.

One word.

Resistance.

The resistance with my clients was exceptional - powerful - masterful and finely tuned. The strength and power BEHIND argument was SO strong - the requirement to hold onto identity SO great - if only we could harness this power for GOOD instead of EVIL - he he :-)
This resistance mirrored my OWN that I fiercely expunged at the onset of my week.
There it was. There I was. Inescapable. Ugh.

Yet I was easily able to step aside and allow the resistance to flow past me while anchored firmly to the earth within myself. I had been feeling totally lost yet "felt" grounded and familiar in my own certainty. My need to replace one story for another - one lolly for another – one drug for another - without certainty in the SYSTEM of life – the GREAT story – the UNIVERSAL TRUTH - was mirrored in every single client. Every word spoken to them was exactly what I "needed" to say and hear myself.

Being given a gift of so many consults, I witnessed my story hour upon the hour. How did those people know to find me and share this wisdom with me?

This is some incredible system huh? Anchored in the "essence" of me, I saw how my identification of value with certain "stories" was now transformed into an upgraded value of TIME and all its subsequent meanings "stories" for me due to this a new paradigm of swift, frantic, overloaded work schedule. Freshly minted with a deep sense of certainty, I simply had NO time to listen to "stories" so as a result, NO clients were able to share story telling. And neither could I.

This game that I play is imbued with an intricate system of communication pathways networked together connected to some sort of grand design - universal system - where language and thoughts and feelings all provide necessary and complex functions.

My appreciation and observations for this Voyeur game and all the bit players that my "system" employs is overwhelming in this moment.

What a ride!

Playing is the new Black

It's interesting observing the human identification process and suppressing my need to know.

This morning I saw how we all seek to identify ourselves through organisations. eg Demartini students at first identify themselves with the traits they are collapsing. How many times do you hear them/me/you/us say - I'll have to work on that" - "I'll have to collapse that."??? We identify ourselves with the positive or negative side of the trait. Instead of observing we identify.

Then those who choose to become facilitators, in their training, identify themselves with traits PLUS they identify themselves with being a Facilitator - and the infatuation/resentment cycle commences. Add to that, an identification with the Promoter, another Facilitator and Demartini himself.

Literally layers of stories!

Ok here it is - I'm asking the question WHY do we seek to align/associate/pattern ourselves with external aspects of - well - ourselves?

If I quiet my brain and just watch it for a moment - sshhhh - the answer is in Nature isn't it? Animal species colour their hides and shells with various camouflages as part of an ongoing survival instinct. They don't colour themselves - they don't create it themselves (sorry Bob) - they create their own version of their own perception don't they? Ah - they create their own story!

What is the Darwinian theory in this regard? Over time Girrafes stretch their necks to reach high food - mmm - I'll just sit in that for a bit maybe.

Then I thought about BRANDS - ha! the ultimate identity!

How funny - I have been working on BRANDS with clients for a few years now. I begin the process with a Value assessment - the ultimate self identification process. This morning while doing the exercise I see the entire Branding process in a different light. The building of a Brand is a creative enterprise - like designing a house, composing a song, scripting a movie and writing a novel. A Brand is another story - written specifically to achieve specific purpose and goals.

Only NOW, seeing it like the director in "The Truman Show" movie, it seems easier and more fun - impossible to fail! There IS not succeed or fail - only play! It is our relationship to MONEY - FAIR EXCHANGE - where we perceive bad or good - succeed or fail!!!

Once the creative process is complete, business seems to more like a game of cards - we're trying on different strategies and tactics. Keeping score in a structured system maintains a constant flow of feedback which eventually self generates its own benchmarking system and process for compare and contrast - one strategy to use to monitor the game and observe the fair exchange.

This morning I have watched the humble story transform into a game - still the same element - only expressed in another way - like water - ice and steam.

Losing a game isn't bad. Winning a game isn't good. Playing the game holds a black hole of possibilities - both good and bad.

Playing is the NEW Black.