The Belly of the Whale

Sometimes the growing of new wings is painful. Painful as they cut through old skin and push through your body in order to create a new space. We stand atop a jagged cliff face overlooking a wild green sea and consider jumping or flying. If we jump we shatter every single atom in our body on the rocks below. If we fly, we shatter the comfort of our new wings as they stretch and strain against gravity.
I have a dark story that I typically like to keep hidden. 27 December 2005 and I had broken up with my "soul mate". The pain of his words shredded my heart and as an unearthly calm descended upon me and it became clear that all I wanted to do was stop the pain and silence my heart. Driving to a deserted beach, calm, with a plan, no tears, no regret – it (seemed) to be the clearest focus I had ever experienced.

As I sat in my car contemplating what I had planned to do, I looked up and a small white seagull flew over to my car and sat on the windscreen – staring straight through me. I flipped the wipers, sprayed it with water and it refused to budge. It continued to stare through me. I stared back, pulling faces and trying to find all sorts of ways to make this bloody bird go away and stop looking at me. It wouldn’t budge! I just couldn’t do anything while it was looking at me so I began to yell and scream at it. It wouldn’t budge! Steadfastly staring me down, into my eyes, through me and into me, the wind caught its tail feathers and for some reason, this stubborn white seagull took me back to that dream I had years before. Man C - wearing the white coat tails and reminding me to hold my focus! All at once, it was as if I awoke from a nightmare and in the dawning of the realisation of what I was about to do, the tears began and I immediately changed course.

Hours later, when I returned to my friend’s house, I checked my emails, and there, in my in box, was an email from Man C. The time sent it was the exact same time that the white seagull landed on my windscreen. The words he wrote to me balanced the pain of the words uttered from my so called "soul mate".

This was my “Belly of the Whale” story in my own Heroes Journey. This was the lowest point, when in my transition between both worlds; a separation was made, as my new world potential was being shaped. I was willing to die to myself to move beyond my old “selves”.

And I was not alone. There was someone with me as I crossed the first threshold! Whether it is a seagull or a person from a dream there will ALWAYS be someone with you as you cross the first threshhold.

No matter what.