Harden the F**k Up Bridget!!!

Bridget Jones - great movie - best line ever - Hurry the F**k Up Bridget!!!
I have bastardised it a little by adapting it to suit my own personal kick up the pants whenever required. :-)


Norma Cousins said - “The greatest force in the human body is the natural drive of the body to heal itself – but that force is not independent of the belief system, which can translate
expectations into physiological change. Nothing is more wondrous about the fifteen
billion neurons in the human brain than the ability to convert thoughts, hopes, ideas
and attitudes into chemical substances. Everything begins, therefore, with belief.
What we believe is the most powerful option of all.”

Well I've been sick, forced into quarantine, living at home in bed with my laptop on my knee for 10 days now and I feel no better. I've had accupuncture, chiropractic, massage, steaming antibiotics, tests, lotions, vitamins, potions, supplements - I've even had kinesiology - I still feel sick. I cannot breathe, am dizzy, nauseous with no energy at all and simply exhausted on every physical level.

So what is going on with me?

In observation, this is HOW I am right now - how am I? My body is expressing symptoms by finding a way to release obviously long suppressed mucous and phlegm - endless amounts. I know this sounds gross but these fluids designed to protect my body I believe are a key factor in my health - or lack thereof. My chest and head were so tight it felt as if they would explode just prior to succumbing to this flu. It took 7 days of fevers before my nose actually began to release.

I havent listened to a morning Activation in over a week. Breathing through my nose is impossible and the constant coughing and spluttering makes it challenging to sit calmly and observe. However with all this sleeping and sitting and just doing nothing but pondering, I'm doing plenty of observation anyway.

My body "feels" heavy and sticky and thick - like it is dragging behind it years of no longer needed armour. As the body is designed to win, perhaps it is seeking to eradicate itself of the excess protection that has been accumulated and piled high for god knows how long. Impacting on my external life, my body has somehow cajoled me into stopping, working in spurts, while reconnecting with my "family home". In these past couple of weeks I have cancelled every single treasured social occasion, birthday party, missed shows, concerts, gatherings and premieres. I have only seen practitioners, Sam, Niko and Manny for the past couple of weeks.

Yet I do not feel alone. In fact I feel comfortable and well loved and secure - maybe its the driving drip of my nose that provides this unyielding certainty. I really don't understand the "what" and "why" of my feelings at the moment.

How was I feeling prior to getting sick?

I spent five crazed months ignoring "my" life in order to produce that Festival and I worked stupid hours. In the few weeks leading up to this flu, I have been unusually emotional, crying for no reason and feeling disconnected with everything around me to the point where I felt so unattached. Now is that because of the Activation work or what?

This is confronting to admit however, I was consciously planning ways to die quietly. This sounds terrible and I am quite ashamed of this admission. However in context, it was neither a dramatic or sad place - merely one of boredom, without purpose, filled with unfamiliar emptiness and without anchor -without connection. I naturally translated this into a monster negative and a sign of failure - I TOLD YOU SO - unworthiness - justification of being "relationship - less" and allowed myself to sink into the bottomless pit of familiar despair.

Once I began to roll around in this space of disconnection, - OMG - ooh I actually remember the moment - I was driving home from work with the boys. They were fighting and I drifted into the sticky pink day old doughnut that self pity invariably is. Once I "thought" and "felt", I began to get a high temperature and commenced my descent into the flu from that very night.

Where was the voyeur when I needed her to remind me of where I left my anchor?

Where was the observor when I needed her to jolt my memory of the many times I have visited this place previously?

Maybe my body has some wisdom to share with me in a way that I couldn't translate into some sort of Nickified system?

So - now - I choose to simply observe my body and all its little symptoms. I know I'm the author of this particular story - who knows "why" I needed to write it in the first place?

I will listen and watch and see what happens from here while I Harden the F**k Up!!!