In the Beginning

Every story has to start somewhere.

The story below is where I thought I began.

But underneath it all, I was still asking questions.

Is this REALLY me?
Isn't there more to me than this?
If this isnt a part of me life then WHO AM I?

We all have our stories from birth. Many of our stories sound quite similiar.

Some people believe that they were unwanted pregnancies, unsuccessful terminations, or burdens. There may be a family tale where the mother tried to end the pregnancy to sever any connection to the father - in order to diminish the perceived pain of their relationship. Unhappiness, depression - perceptions of tragedy and fear - keystones of the 1950s and 1960s housewife maybe? Who knows? Then in the 2000s, some new age practitioner - connected to a "higher self" - channels some information where the baby reached out in vitro and kept both mother and baby alive. How many of us have seen Kinesiologists and Spiritual Healers (the list goes on ad nauseum) and more stories are told to make sense of the original stories.

It is almost the best comedy routine - certainly makes for wonderful tales to tell!

Humans have a story about their history - then a new age or religious explanation of it - then we psychoanalyse the story, assess its patterns and make judgements about ourselves based on a series of created tales.

I, myself, have a large and impressive collection of Myths, Legends and Stories. Great fodder for a stand up routine in a dark basement bar somewhere in Melbourne but also, as my grandmother said "Waste not want not" - great stories for me to use in every game that I play.

Entertaining, inspirational, scary, challenging - sometimes downright insane but always human.

I found myself through a tree in Ireland – yes you read that correctly - a tree in Ireland. A dream I had since childhood came true when I visited Killarney in 2008. I found the tree and it looked exactly as I remembered it from my dreams. Touching it was lke being zapped in some electrical storm and somehow this very touch connected me through the earth and took me down and into the core of it and myself. It was one moment - through the Irish morning drizzle and the grey of the wet surrounds, the tree and I morphed into the same being. (Yes this sounds nuts I know) One moment and I "felt" that the universe wasn’t external, it wasn't otuside of me. It was limitless and holographically was reflected within each and every cell. I don’t mean that in a new age so called spiritual way, I mean quite literally, I could see and feel and sense it as if the tiniest of cells held within it endless space for creation.

Standing underneath that tree in Ireland, I downloaded (for want of a better word) the most outrageous revelations (you think X Files is out there!!!. Each one of us are tapped into the core of life itself with all its truths, illusions, bullshit, myths. There is nothing to change and nothing to fix.

I am a student of my life.
I am the author of my life.
I write the stories but see them as they really are - just stories - not WHO I AM - just HOW I am at various times.